All relationships have their ups and downs. But if you find yourself constantly on edge, even when your partner isn’t making any big changes or bringing up controversial topics, it could be an indicator that something is off.

Love bombing can be difficult to recognize and address, so it’s important that both partners take steps towards self-reflection and seek advice from a behavioral health specialist.

You’re always defending

In relationships, it is often easy to get defensive when your partner questions you. However, you need to focus on empathy when it comes to your partner and their feelings. This can only happen if you are fully focused on listening to them without judging their message or taking it personally.

It is important to have your partner’s back when the world is tearing them apart. This is the definition of a true teammate. It is also important to be able to defend them when they are wrong.

This is where empathy really shines. This is one of the most important aspects of Dr. Gottman’s State of the Union Meeting and is an essential skill to reducing conflict and misunderstandings in your relationship.

You’re always enabling your partner

If you find yourself constantly enabling your partner—whether it’s picking up groceries or taking care of their kids, letting them vent to you about work-related issues or even making excuses for their bad behavior—it may be time to make some changes.

Manipulating others in order to change them is not healthy for a relationship. Rather than forcing them to evolve, focus on giving them the tools and motivation they need for their own growth.

When you’re trying to help someone overcome a challenge, it’s important to take note of what they are struggling with. They need to be open about their struggle, and they also need to know that you support them in working through it.

It’s natural to want your partner to grow, to reach their potential, and to be all they can be, says marriage and family therapist Mitch Temple.

Every couple has bumps in the road, but successful couples learn how to deal with those problems and come out stronger on the other side. You can try reading self-help books, attending counseling or even watching other couples to learn better communication skills. You can also use daily affirmations to improve your self-esteem and self-compassion to combat impostor syndrome.

You’re always arguing

It’s the rare couple that doesn’t hit bumps in the road, but successful couples learn to work through them. They find solutions to their relationship problems, whether it’s through self-help books and articles, seeking professional help, watching other couples in action or just trial and error.

But if you’re always arguing, it might be time to make some changes. Arguments are supposed to be productive, but when you’re unable to stay on topic and instead turn every discussion into a battle of the wills, then there’s no point in having them. The same goes for bringing up old grievances that have nothing to do with the current conversation. That’s just toxic. Instead, stick to the facts and stay civil. It’ll be better for everyone in the end.

If your partner is often the one who finds fault with you, then it may be time to take a look at your own behavior. A lot of people retaliate when they are in an argument, so it’s important to stop this habit before it gets out of hand.

Changing your mindset can be a tough one, but it’s vital if you want to save your relationship. Start by accepting your partner’s flaws, not placing blame or digging up old arguments.